Navigating Postpartum Rage

Welcoming a new life into the world can be a transformative experience, filled with love and joy, however, the postpartum period can also come with a range of other complex emotions, including something that is often unspoken and misunderstood: postpartum rage. In this blog post, we will explore the topic of postpartum rage with compassion, empathy, and support, providing insights, coping strategies, and resources to help navigate this challenging aspect of motherhood.

1. Defining Postpartum Rage:
   Postpartum rage is an intense and overwhelming anger that some women experience after giving birth. It can manifest as sudden outbursts of anger, irritability, or feelings of frustration that may seem out of proportion to the situation at hand. Clients often describe it as an intense and sudden wave that comes over them and feels all consuming physically and mentally. It may be linked to other mental health challenges like postpartum anxiety or depression, but not always.

2. Understanding the Causes:
   While the exact causes of postpartum rage are not fully understood, they may be linked to various factors, including hormonal fluctuations, sleep deprivation, physical discomfort, stress, and the challenges of adjusting to motherhood.  I often hear moms verbalize feeling “touched out” and overstimulated which also contributes to the overwhelming feelings. Experiencing postpartum rage does not mean you are a bad mother or that you do not love your baby. It is simply a challenging aspect of the postpartum period and motherhood that many women encounter. 

3. Recognizing the Signs and Symptoms:
   Postpartum rage can present differently in each individual. Signs and symptoms may include intense anger or irritability, feelings of rage that come on suddenly, difficulty managing emotions, frequent crying spells, shutting down or racing thoughts, and a sense of guilt or shame afterward.. If you notice these signs in yourself or someone you know, it is important to seek support.

4. Coping Strategies for Postpartum Rage:

   • Reach out for support: Share your feelings with a trusted loved one, partner, or friend who can provide a listening ear and emotional support. Having someone who validates your experiences can help alleviate the feelings of isolation and shame.

   • Carve out time for yourself to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. I know this is easier said than done in motherhood. This may include taking a bath, reading a book, practicing mindfulness, or going for a walk. Remember, taking care of your own well-being is crucial for being present and showing up as the mother you want to be. This might mean foregoing cleaning or doing something “productive” during your kid’s naptime and spending that time doing something more nourishing for yourself. A lot of interventions about rage are more about engaging in activities that keep up within our window of tolerance and prevent escalation rather than just trying to address the rage after it happens. 

   • Practicing deep breathing and grounding techniques: Grounding techniques such as noticing the sensation of your feet on the ground or counting objects in the room can help bring you back to a calmer state. Play around with different ones to find out what works best for you. The more you practice these techniques while regulated and at various times in the day, the more familiar they are to your body and nervous system and the more accessible they will feel in the moment when feeling overwhelmed with intense emotion. When you feel the rage building (even though I know it can come on fast), take deep breaths and focus on grounding yourself in the present moment. 

   • Seek professional help: If the intensity and frequency of postpartum rage become unmanageable, begin to interfere with your daily life, or you would just like a nonjudgmental space to process what you are feeling, it is important to seek the help of a licensed mental health therapist that specializes in perinatal and postpartum mental health. They can provide guidance, support, and additional resources tailored to your specific needs.

   • Building a Support Network: Creating a support network is an essential aspect of navigating postpartum rage. Surround yourself with understanding and empathetic individuals who offer non-judgmental support. Seek out postpartum support groups, both online and in-person, where you can connect with other mothers who may be experiencing similar challenges. Sharing your experiences and hearing others' stories can foster a sense of community and understanding. This can apply for many aspects of motherhood, not just rage. 

While the above strategies are helpful to caring for one’s overall mental health, the four steps below are meant to be used in the moment when rage/intense emotion is activated. 

1. Normalize and Name - Anger is a normal emotion. Experiencing this emotion does not make you a bad person or mom. Name the emotions you are experiencing (exhaustion, frustration, loneliness). to yourself, outloud, in a journal or to someone else. 

2. Exercise self-compassion - Its understandable you feel this way and it does not make you a bad mom. This is really hard. Using the language of "I notice...(I am feeling really angry)" can help make it feel slightly less intense and take that mindful observer stance. Remind yourself you are not alone in this experience. What would you say to a close friend or loved one feeling similarly.

3. Grounding - Engage in something to regulate yourself. ie. box breathing, other breathwork, go outside, step away, scream in pillow, engage in brief intense exercise like jumping jacks to release energy, take a cold shower, reach out to a friend, let yourself cry.

4. Identify Antecedents/Reflect on Triggers- Check in with antecedents to the rage (what else happened earlier that day/week that could be impacting how you feel in that moment, ie. lack of sleep, hungry, sick, frustration with work or your partner, feeling disconnected, feeling overwhelmed etc). When we understand why we are feeling the way we are (which I know we can’t always have a clear reason), it can be easier to validate ourselves like “it makes sense I am feeling this way” or “No wonder this is hard, I am exhausted, hungry and overstimulated”. Reflecting on the triggers that possibly contributed to the rage in this event, like feeling touched out, loud noise/screaming, etc can help identify the rage coming on as early as possible going forward.  The earlier you can recognize the rage coming on, the easier it is to soothe. This could be certain thoughts that indicate you are feeling more irritable, it could be a felt sense in your body, some of the indicators like tight jaw, tension, shallow breath, isolation etc.

There is no magic fix but creating a longer fuse and talking about your experiences can help. By understanding and acknowledging the complex emotions that can arise during the postpartum period, we can begin to shed light on postpartum rage and the wide range of challenges perinatal women face. Through self-care, reaching out to a support network, and seeking professional help when needed, you can find ways to manage and cope with postpartum rage. Remember, you are a loving and capable mother, and with time, patience, and support, healing is possible.

Perinatal (pregnancy and postpartum) mood challenges are so common yet not talked about enough.  If you're experiencing any signs of perinatal or postpartum anxiety or depression, know that you're not alone. Therapy for pregnancy and postpartum can provide you with the education, tools, and support to feel like yourself again. As a Perinatal Mental Health Certified Therapist, I specialize in supporting women struggling with pregnancy and postpartum anxiety and depression. Reach out to schedule your free consultation call today!